Arrangements on joint custody can be hard to adjust to. Custody battles can get ugly particularly when couples forget who is really getting hurt. Joint legal custody can have benefits on the children but you must learn to work together. Whether you were the one who initiated the divorce or not, all those issues need to be put to rest now for the sake of your children’s welfare. Here are some guidelines for you to follow.
Unless your ex-spouse was in some way abusive to your children, you must accept that you need to comply with joint custody. Your former spouse has a right to share in the lives of your children. Your children should have a strong relationship with both of you. If a judge rules that you need to share custody, unless you have a good reason why that is not in the best interests of your children, that is what you are going to need to do.
Get Over the Divorce
If you are having difficulties with moving on, perhaps it is time for you to seek out counseling. Your children are the product of your marriage. Your children become the victims when your marriage failed. You must keep them out of any ill-feelings that you might have for your ex-spouse. As children grow, you do not need to point out the mistakes of the other parent. They are only going to be in the middle of your battle which will make them feel more isolated and guilty. Your children have been through enough already so do not add to it.
Relationships with Both Parents are Essential
Establish reasonable guidelines that are fair to your children. It is not easy to live with a shared custody agreement. You must understand that for a child to shuffle back and forth between parents is distressing. Make the transition as easy as possible for your children. Try to maintain a civil relationship with your ex-spouse. It is high time to set aside your differences and focus on what is truly best for them.
Be Prepared For Your Ex-Spouse to Play Games
It is unfortunate but too many people do things that are inappropriate with regard to their children. Take the high road. Some parents feel the need to constantly criticize their former spouse in front of the children. Other people tell the children details about the break-up or discuss child support. It is important to keep in mind that your reaction towards your spouse will create an impact on your children.
Be Firm and Consistent With Your Rules
It is good if you can be consistent in your disciplining and household rules but you must accept the fact that different set of rules may be followed by your children whenever they are in your ex-spouse’s home. Stay firm and make your children understand that when they are in your home, certain set of rules apply as well. It is ideal if you and your ex-spouse can parent together even though you are no longer married. However, there are some people who need to return to family court for issues regarding child support and visitation. These are issues that must only be discussed between adults. Remember that you should never drag the children into it.
I went to a counselor after I divorced and he gave me great skills to get over it and made me see that the relationship I had with my ex husband had nothing to do with his relationship with our kids, being a husband was one thing and being a parent another, so I finally understood that to me he was a really bad husband, but he had good things to offer to my kids, and no matter what happens he is their father and he is not bad at that.
You are so right. I think that thinking about the children when the divorce is over is priority, and even during the divorce. Both parents are important to the life of a child and we have to stop beign selfish and think about them.
I have experienced firsthand the games you mentioned and the manipulation but having my kids as a priority was key to resolve the issues with my former partner.
Exactly, we must really think in the kids first, solve our situation and go on with our lives but keep them as out as we can of any conflict, they don´t even have to know what our mistakes were and is key not to tell them bad things about the other parent, is their mom or dad after all, is better for them to know what they experience with that person and thats it.
I personally had a very hard time with my divorce. Mi ex wife didn´t want me to see my daughter at all, she was very mad at me and I understand cause I wasn´t exactly the best husband, I do accept I messed up, our relationship went to hell, but I do love my daughter like crazy and I couldn´t imagine my life without her. We share custody, and at last we are having adult conversations when we talk, I´m also feeling better and I guess we are not as angry with each other as we were before. Still I understand my child has to live with her and is for the best, but I enjoy weekends with her and picking her up from school on fridays.